I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
