Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize