I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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