My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Drunk is not a location!
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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