dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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