Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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