I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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