yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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