My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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