I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
