im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
