I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize