i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
