how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize