If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize