Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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