i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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