I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
