My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
