i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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