I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
