If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
