woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
she smelled like a LAN party
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Randomize
