My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
