sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
two words...techno handjob
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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