What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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