he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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