I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
