Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
