I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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