so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
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