we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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