I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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