i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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