My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
