omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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