you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
