So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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