lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
I'm really busy with my period
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