non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
