help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize