You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
you never un-have a 4some
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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