First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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