You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
