i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
