Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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