I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
