I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
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