i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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