You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
