Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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