You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
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