but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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