A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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