We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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