It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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