i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
