giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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