....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
