Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
