what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
