and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
