I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
