I am puke
You can't motorboat a personality
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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